The Starter Husband

By J.B. Gable

I married relatively young. It seemed like the right thing to do at the time. Turns out I was wrong; oh so wrong.

When I talk about the divorce, I have started calling myself a "Starter Husband" as it would seem that she outgrew me rather quickly.

If it is alright with you, dear Reader, I would like to submit a few entries here regarding some of the experiences and lessons I have taken from this whole mess.

Here we go.

Entry #1: No Lawyers

Regardless of the circumstances which brought my wife and I to the point of separation, there is a moment when the realization occurs that this is actually going to happen and there is no turning back; reconciliation is not possible.

As painful as this moment is (and there is no pain comparable to it), it is a temporary thing. There will be days of profound sadness and depression when you wonder if there is enough bourbon in the world.

When I find the answer to that one, I will let you know.

The sadness can be staggering, but there is no situation that is made better by involving a lawyer. This is all going to sound counter-intuitive, but trust me... There will never be peace and healing if I begin to view my former partner as an adversary.

My advice: give them whatever for which they ask. The house, the cars, the accounts, whatever. Simply surrender.

It is true that your lawyer will fight for you and will likely secure at least half of your stuff. But the fight itself will do unspeakable damage to the soul. If you, dear Reader, are the kind of person willing to forfeit your soul for a few shiny trinkets, then close this browser window right now and get back to your Joel Osteen podcast.

You should just know that your children are watching, your parents are watching, your brothers and sisters and nieces and nephews are watching. Consider the damage you may do to them as your lawyer talks about equitable division and mediation fees. This is a fight no one ever wins, therefore lay down your arms and surrender.

Give whatever they ask and begin the healing immediately with unburdened conscience and no attorney fees.

Until next time, as our British brethern would say...KBO.